First of all: I’m baaack! My year-long hiatus from this blog has finally come to an end. I don’t really have an excuse for my absence; I could blame laziness, too much schoolwork, too much work-work, or moral superiority to this blogging crap – but the only one of those that would be really plausible is laziness, so let’s just leave it at that. Long time no see, blogosphere.
I return with a purpose. As of this morning, I have embarked upon a juice
cleanse. Or, to the more specific, the “Organic Avenue Detox Diet,” otherwise known as the “LOVE*young Cleanse.” Yes, that capitalization and asterisk are part of the name. That would be the one Gwyneth Paltrow does all the time, and raves about on her blog, “GOOP.” Ughh, I hate myself already.
So, some background: juice cleanses are diets where you only eat juices or shakes, ideally homemade, over a given period of time. The point is to cleanse your system, get rid of toxins, clean those bowels out, and supposedly be generally healthful, energizing, and “vibrant,” whatever that means for a diet. My hopes are that my skin will look like Gwyneth Paltrow’s when I’m done. Weight loss is not typically the goal, although chances are if you’re cutting cheese fries and Big Gulps out of your diet, you might lose some pounds too.
For this particular cleanse, I will be consuming 2 blended veggie juices, 2 smoothies/shakes, 1 raw carrot soup and 1 raw salad every day for a week, with some extra servings of sketchy green powder mixed in water sprinkled in between. My diet for the next 7 days will be raw, vegan, and mostly organic. Hooo-boy, I’m getting intimidated by the healthiness already. If you’re interested in following my footsteps, the recipes can all be found on Gwyneth Paltrow’s blog GOOP, and reviews of the cleanse can be found at The Daily Green and Bitch Yourself Thin.
Getting ready for this week has been a surprisingly intensive process. I’ve had to make a trip each to Trader Joe’s, the local foodstore, and the even more local Co-Op to get all my ingredients together. Here’s a rundown of the supplies needed, broken up by where I got them.
Borrowed from friends:
Purchased at above mentioned grocery stores:
- Trader Joe’s Super Green Drink powder
- 90 oz. Coconut water
- 14 0z. Coconut milk (yes, they’re different)
- Stevia extract
- Himalayan sea salt
- Unsweetend coconut meat
- Miso paste
- 3 Zucchinis
- 3 Yellow squash
- 1 Bunch mint
- 1 Bunch parsley
- 7 Hass Avocados
- 1 Head garlic
- 1 Ginger root
- 4 Limes
Stolen from my dining hall (obscene quantities of each):
- Romaine Lettuce
- Arugula/Mixed greens
- Soy sprouts
- White Onion
Whew. It was time-consuming and a bit pricier than I would have liked to track it all down, but hopefully it will prove to be worth it. Being able to get most of the produce from the dining hall will help a lot, I think.
A note on substitutions: The original Organic Avenue cleanse requires even more crazy stuff than I have listed here. They apparently want you to only consume pH-enhanced (I’m still unclear on what that entails) liquids for the week, via creepy droplets and only Alkaline (i.e. ionized) water. I ditched the pH-drops and the liquid Chlorophyll because of issues with price and availability, and am substituting good old tap water for the alkaline stuff, again because of the price. I also am replacing shallots with plain white onion, since I forgot to buy them, and Trader Joe’s green drink powder for the Doc Broc’s stuff they recommend. It’s 2/3 the price and seems pretty much the same. Also, I will be juicing all of my fruit juices, such as the lemon, lime, orange, and grapefruit.
Finally, the question I’m sure you all have is: Why the fuck am I doing this?
I am doing this for a variety of reasons. First, I have a degree of faith in the health benefits of this type of thing (I’m a sucker, I know), and I’ve been feeling really crappy over the past few months. I’m been eating poorly, drinking too much, smoking too much, and generally abusing my body through what I put into it. I think that this cleanse will be a nice way to jump-start a healthier lifestyle, and do a routine cleaning of sorts of my system. Second, I think this will be a great social experiment. If celebrities and trendsters are doing this to themselves, I want to see what it’s like and judge their behavior accordingly. I think that food trends reflect very heavily upon the societies in which they arise, and I want to see what this one says about America’s celebrities and popular culture. I will be monitoring my feelings, energy-levels, skin glowiness, and weight loss throughout the week too, to see what happens (and of course record it here).
Finally, I am NOT doing this to lose weight. I’m not saying I would exactly be pissed if my belly-area shrunk a bit, but that’s really not the point. If you want to lose weight, you need a longer-term solution than this. Some juice cleanses can be very unhealthy (example: that lemon and cayenne crap), and I’ve done my research to make sure this isn’t one of them. Although the diet may look sparse, I’ll actually be consuming a pretty normal amount – the only difference is that most of it will be liquefied veggies. I will get plenty of protein from the coconut and the miso, and plenty of good fats from the daily avocado I’ll be eating; I even get to chew one meal a day! That being said, if I start feeling weak or too hungry, I will stop. And then probably bitch about it here.
So, I’m back in the blog saddle, and on my way to either glowy skin and unlimited health and energy, or carb-withdrawal-induced rage and severe indigestion. Only time will tell!